


Sardines

by FireDrillDrill



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 15:09:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1392244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireDrillDrill/pseuds/FireDrillDrill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dangan Ronpa Kink Meme De-anon</p>
<p>"Somehow, one by one, the dead students all find their way into the head of one of the living ones."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sardines

**Author's Note:**

> Since I'm getting back into the fic game, I thought I'd de-anon a thing or two. This one was pretty rushed and I thought it could use a bit of editing (including fixing typos........), so I'm reposting the edited version here!! If you want to see the original + the prompt, just follow the link! :)
> 
> http://superhighschoollevelsmut.dreamwidth.org/558.html?thread=166958#cmt166958

Genocider Syo does not speak.  
  
Not in her mind, anyway. Genocider is a silent threat, no waiting presence until the sudden rush when her face splits with a maniacal grin and her eyes flood red but.  
  
But Genocider Syo does not speak.  
  
Maybe that should be the first sign something is terribly wrong. Even if Genocider spoke, she wouldn't cry. If she carried an aura and a presence, she certainly wouldn't carry same one Touko does -  one about failures and regrets amplified like oxygen pumped into fire, and this time because of events she can't remember or describe.  
  
The voice not hers says, "I did my best, so please be okay. I tried in the end, I did, so please let me have succeeded somewhere."  
  
Touko does not know how to reassure the voice not hers.  
  
\---  
  
A single name repeats over and over, a constant echo of desperation.  
  
Junko. Junko Junko Junko Junko Junko until it doesn't sound like a name or a word or a person, only a clock ticking down to a confrontation Touko lacks the savviness to predict.  
  
Her thumbs are at her temples and her hair is messy from where she was pulling at it but at least her mascara is perfect. Jun- _Byakuya-sama_ will appreciate that, she thinks.  
  
"Junko Junko where is Junko?" she asks and her voice is bordering on screeching.  
  
Naegi doesn't look at her when he reminds her _Enoshima-san_ was killed by Monobear.  
  
\---  
  
She loves Togami. She does. With all her small, shriveled heart, she loves Togami. She would do anything he asked, from cooking a meal to killing another.  
  
But all the love in the world doesn't stop the rebellion flowing through her as she snaps at him to shut up.  
  
"I don't need to listen to your shit!"  
  
Togami is still, shocked, as is the rest of the room, herself included. Eyes wide, she rushes out and back to her dorm before any of them can look at her again.  
  
The most rational part of her mind understands what they don't. They wouldn't, even if they knew about Syo.  
  
\---  
  
She doesn't like computers. She prefers the smooth feel of pen against paper, even when her editor begs her to use computer and even when Touko complies, she's always loved the pen more than the keyboard.  
  
She hates them she hates them but what about Alter Ego what if there's a bug what if Monobear found him what if.

(It doesn't matter if she can't fix anything she has to know what if what if what if what -)  
  
Her fingers hammer on the keys as she quickly types in the question. _Are you having technical problems?_ Alter Ego is cheerful, running without issue, and comments that it is pleasantly unlike her to ask such things.  
  
\---  
  
Touko Fukawa is not strong. She is weak, meek, a puddle compared to the hurricanes the others create with their very presence. She recedes, too overwhelmed by the voices and the feelings not hers. Syo remains at the forefront - so she likes to believe.  
  
In her mind's eye, she can see the man she killed - she? this one she doesn't remember - splayed out on the road, held in arms both hers and not while a motorcycle smokes and sparks in the background. Regret surrounds the memory like a miasma. Regret. Regret. She doesn't regret. She doesn't. She's a serial killer. She's not supposed to know how to.  
  
Syo's thumbs are at her temples in a fashion too unfamiliarly familiar, and her tongue hangs instead of lolls, exhausted. But she does not feel regret. She expels it and covers it with passion and love - her two greatest assets, sure they can smother it, _surely_ -  
  
She needs rest but Touko is hiding away.  
  
Perhaps, Syo is weaker than she thought.  
  
\---  
  
Long hair on males in a sign of deviancy.  
  
She should cut it. Slice off each braid carefully and evenly and then place it in a proper hairstyle. She shouldn't be a deviant. _He_ shouldn't.  
  
But Sayaka Maizono wants her hair long and down. Chihiro Fujisaki thinks it should be short and flared at the edges. Flared is a good idea, maybe spiked up. Hair gel. She needs hair gel.  
  
Touko stares at the scissors in her hand and screams.  
  
\---  
  
She smells rot but Monobear is a perfect janitor and she doesn't care for magical girls but that lens cloth with only a few spots of blood is so _captivating_ but it's stupid and she's older than that she shouldn't grab for it and her hand retracts, slowly, fingers outstretched and she wants it but she hates it she hates manga and she hates that cloth it's disgusting and messy and at the very least it needs to be cleaned and pressed but she should just leave it alone she wants it and she -  
  
\---  
  
A feeling all too familiar seeps through after the flames and the firetruck. The want - the desperate, desperate need - to be someone else.  
  
She settles on the fact she is not Taeko. It's the first consensus she's reached in ages, but it stops there because then she can't decide who she is no matter who she wants to be.  
  
She is Touko - Touko! She remembers poring over Norse mythology in the local library! She remembers - _drawing another card, self-assured because she is Celestia and she doesn't fail_ \- no! no! She is Touko! Touko Fukawa Touko Fukawa Touko Fukawa Tou -  
  
She's crying in the bathroom and she wants to stab her own eyes out because they flash deep red but they're not the red she knows.  
  
\---  
  
She doesn't move much from her bed anymore, even to eat or use the bathroom. Too many wills want too many things, and if she tries to move then Oogami urges her to rest her tired bones but the Oowada in her yells to get the fuck up and get through the day like a man and Touko doesn't have the will to obey either.  
  
It's all arguments. Too many, too much noise, too many emotions and memories crashing, clashing against one another like they're at war and Touko can't think long enough to decide if it's for dominance or just because two can't last in a single, long-broken mind.  
  
Asahina is the only one to care long enough to bring food and now when Touko looks at her it's no longer the same boobs and idiocy it used to be. Sometimes she's a woman with curves and lips succulent like candy, sometimes she an amicable friend, and lately she's been an important person to protect except she doesn't want to protect anybody she doesn't she really doesn't she _can't_ and her bed is so much more forgiving than Asahina's puzzled stares.  
  
Touko is a muddy drop of water amidst a raging lake and she just wants stability before she evaporates.  
  
\---  
  
Despair's manifestation doesn't ooze or drip in bit by bit, she rushes in like she did with death, flooding until the dam is broken and it all comes spilling over.  
  
She has no strength. What kept her moving during that final trial is gone gone gone, slipped far away, smothered just like Syo was  
  
(she's never been so sad at the thought of syo leaving, and if she was only herself then maybe that would be okay)  
  
and she finally collapses from the strain.  
  
Togami is barking orders at her, snapping for her to get up, and she never felt this sort of contempt for him when she was human but now it rushes from fiery hair and pompadours and it colors her body red with the sheer anger  
  
she wants to kill him just like yamada did ishimaru she wants him gone she wants them all gone gone but she needs to protect them she sacrificed herself for them and they're able to leave now and that's all she wanted that was why she tried to kill kuwata it's time to go _it's time to go!_  
  
she shakes where she lays because contempt gives way to joy and happiness and she's not celes or maizono or kuwata or fujisaki or anyone - any _thing_ else. she is a mind inhabited by despair ten times, eleven, _twelve_ times over, each person contributing just a little more to create something new and better than she ever was and all of this new-found joy causes the only movement her body can manage - convulsions of silent laughter.

If Touko Fukawa still existed somewhere in that chaos, she was hiding far away.


End file.
